Falling Into Deeper Waters

Faith. If there is one word to describe this season of life it's faith. It's a time of uncertainty. I haven't the slightest idea what my future is going to look like. All I can do is have faith. God is good. And He gives good gifts. This is a time of character building, trials, molding, and oh so much growth. It can be scary, but it's so so good... So here I am in this season, and I'm taking the plunge. I'm going into deeper waters calling out to Him. He has said that the flood waters will not overwhelm me (Isaiah 43) so I choose to go deeper and deeper. I want to get more lost in Him.

The attached video is the best I could find of a song we've been singing at church lately. I love the lines "We're falling into deeper waters calling out to You" and "I've got a river of living water; a fountain that never will run dry." I'm choosing to take the plunge.

Laminin

"And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

When I first went to see a doctor about my depression, they told me I needed to go buy this video at Mardels and watch it. It changed my life. [Sidenote: I have been SO BLESSED with Christian doctors throughout this stage of my life. WOW.] I think about this video a lot, but today my pastor showed it as part of our series on Colossians. Please watch it and be encouraged. It's INCREDIBLE!!!

Stress and Blessings

Sometimes I've overwhelmed with where I'm heading... Not that I really know where that is BUT let me explain... So many days I miss being a child. The stress level was so low! I think about how I would spend Saturdays (or really everyday) playing computer games, reading, living in one of my imaginary worlds (I still live in some of them when I'm just in need of some good ole imagination), or playing with my toys. How relaxing does that sound?? Breakfast, lunch and dinner was always provided. You got recess. Man, what the life!! I think about how stressful life seems sometimes... Like right now when I'm enrolled in 19 hours, working around 15 hours a week, and trying to spend as much time with my family (both biological and Church) as possible. And then I think about how life is only going to get MORE stressful. That's a scary thought!! Then I stop... And realize that God gives us just what we need whenever we need it. He gives us strength for each day. He gives us friends who help to carry our burdens. He gives us mentors to help guide us. HE GIVES US HIS PRESENCE. He gives us moments of laughter. Peaceful rains. HE GIVES REST FOR THE WEARY. Mmm I'm so blessed by Him. I'm blessed to get to attend the school I do. I'm blessed with a family who loves me. I'm blessed with two amazing roommates. I'm blessed with more friends than I deserve. I'm blessed with a major that's perfect for me. I'm blessed to work with children who show me the love and heart and power of God. I'm blessed to be on this journey with Him... Living in this unbelievable love story. He leads me with cords of kindness (Hosea 11). He's so good. Blessings to anyone who reads this!!

His Lavish Love

Christmas is just around the corner (in 52 days to be exact), and today, God is painting me a beautiful picture of something. Ashley Lynch, who has recently begun discipling me, was asking whether I believed that God had an UNBELIEVABLE FUTURE in store for me. She went on to say that He is sitting on the edge of His seat and can't wait to show me what's next. Goodness gracious, after she said that, God just started speaking all sorts of His excitement to me. Here is the best way I can explain what He was saying to me... You know those kids who are terrible at keeping secrets because they're SO excited to give you the gift they've gotten for you (Yes YOU Chandler)? That's how I see God. GRANTED, He knows how to keep a secret, but He is giddy with excitement to lead you to all that He has prepared. He has a hope and a future. He wants the EXTRAORDINARY. Isn't that great?? It makes ME giddy, too. I hear United Pursuit's prophetic lyrics...

Come Away
by United Pursuit Band

Come away with me
Come away.
It's never too late
It's never too late
It's not too late for you.
I have a plan for you.
I have a plan.
It's gonna be WILD.
It's gonna be GREAT.
It's gonna be FULL OF ME.

Bah!!! I just want to start dancing around here in the library... I'll try to refrain, but isn't that great?! He is SO GOOD!!!!!! How can I even try to focus on anything else when He's distracting me with His goodness?? This love story is the best of all... So I leave you now with a smile on my face hoping my joy has been contagious! Go ask Him to tell you how much He loves you. He's absolutely dying to = )

A Beautiful Inheritance

It's absolutely astounding how much one's life can change in just one year... It blows my mind away. I keep wanting to reiterate that in 28 different ways, but I'll stop. This day, 1 year ago, I thought would change my life forever. Perhaps it did. Just not in the way I expected it to. My verse for this month has been Psalm 16:5-6 specifically for this day. It says...

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

I LOVE this verse. In the past year, I have gone through some of, if not the HARDEST things I've yet experienced. But I've chosen the Lord. HE is my portion. He is my sustenance. He gets me through each day. He's broken my heart with His love. He's taken me through the fire but not let me be burned. He's only refined me. It also says He holds my lot. MY LOT-- all the uncertainties, all the gambles, all the hidden things-- He has them ALL taken care of!! And the most beautiful part of it all? Each night as the dust begins to settle, I see where the lines have fallen and I can say that they have fallen in PLEASANT PLACES. I have the BEAUTIFUL inheritance. He is good. All of Him is everything my heart can desire.

Yes, this year has been hard, but I wouldn't ask to change it if I was given the option. I am confident that all of this is for my good. It is for my best. His love never fails. He's my Shepherd. My Love. And I am His...

Life...

...Is good. I'm so lacking in words for it right now. I feel suspended. I'm content and yet have a deep longing. I just want to sit in His presence and let Him explain what I'm feeling. I'm reminded of my heartsong from senior year. The words once again resonate deep within me...

I need words
As wide as sky
I need language large as
This longing inside
And I need a voice
Bigger than mine
And I need a song to sing You
That I've yet to find
I need You,
Oh, I need You
I need You,
Oh, I need You
To be here now
To be here now
To hear me now
To hear me now

"I Need Words"
David Crowder

That's all for now. I'm gonna go soak up some life from the Lover of my soul... He's so good to me. It amazes me yet never enough...

Missin' My Family- Yes, Yes!

While working on gathering some photos for Antioch's College Ministry website, I found myself perusing through my pictures from India. I found some videos from team times- times of worship filled with laughter and dancing, joy and fervency. I REALLY miss these people. They are one of a kind. I absolutely love them all. I miss inviting the Lord to come among us every morning and night as we met together. I miss the encouragement. I miss the rawness. I miss the honesty. I miss the laughter. I miss the shared experiences. I wish I could spend everyday with this group. CANNOT WAIT for them all to get back to OKC/Norman in the next few weeks. I miss them!!



"They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met.
They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved." Acts 2:42-47

Today...

I've been thinking about an aspect of motherhood and how it applies today. I remember during various sermons I've heard (the ones that come to mind were by Dennis Newkirk and Mark Driscoll), pastors have talked about how a husband should help a wife out by helping them to get time alone with God despite the responsibility of children. While saying this, I remember them mentioning to wives that sometimes they may only get 5 min with God, but to take every moment possible and God would bless it. This concept didn't apply much, but I filed it to the back of my mind and it came up today. See, my family is town. God bless them, I truly love them, but I have trouble getting off to be alone when they're here. This is an understandable thing, but I find it hard to find time to just soak Him up alone. That is quickly very taxing on me. It reminds me of my need of Him, no doubt. Anyway, today I found myself briefly alone in the car. I turned off the music and just said, "Ok Abba, this may be the only time I get all day. Fill me up. I want to sit in Your presence." I immediately felt Him come over me, and I knew He understood. This has led me to think that the amount of time needed in His presence is related to how much our heart is seeking Him. If we have the time, the more time with Him, the better!! But on the days when getting alone seems almost impossible, He blesses the little moments. He knows our hearts. He knows that we are seeking Him despite chaos, and He blesses it. This has also given me a fresh perspective of the amount of time I spend with Him each day as a single (who is obviously childless). This is the time when I can spend a much larger portion of time alone and inhaling more and more. Much like in Proverbs when it says, "A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing." (Proverbs 20:4), I believe we can store up much in these periods of life for the times when it is just impossible to spend this much time with Him. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that we can spend so much time with him now that it could last us a lifetime- by no means! I pray that I always press harder into Him! I will always need more and more of Him. I only mean that I hope that I will see this stage of my life as a time when I am not only free to serve Him in a way that only a single can, but also as a time when I can sow, plow, and store for later days when I wake up early only to find a 4 year old staring me straight in the eyes asking for breakfast and a 2 year old crying in their bed, etc etc, until I fall onto my bed exhausted later that night. So there's my thoughts for today. Motherhood and it's application in my life now...

The Whisper

Life is chaotic yet uneventful at the moment. Having been gone for the majority of the summer thus far, my to-do list is about a mile long. I feel like I'm constantly going. My room is yet to be completely clean since moving back from college (something I'm attempting to remedy before I go to sleep tonight), thank you letters need to be written to those who supported my trip to India, rooms need to be painted in my new house, furniture needs to be found, etc, etc... I don't mind it all that much except that all I really want to do is just soak up the presence. Martin Luther once said...

"I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer."

While I haven't quite gotten to the point of implementing that in my life, I'm beginning to understand it like never before. Christ has taken me on such a journey in the past seven months. I've grown more than I possibly grew in the 14 or so years of my walk with Him that preceded it. It's been the most incredible experience, but now I stand at a crossroads. In the past months I've made ME one of, if not my biggest priority outside of God. My main focus has been redirecting my life. I quit my job, made some big life changes, removed things temptations as far from me as I could, and just focused on how to grow the best way possible. The problem is that one can't live like this forever. Eventually, you have to learn to find a happy medium, a marriage between the old and new... Or at least I think so. I don't know; perhaps I'm only rambling. However, this is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. This implies that we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. While this definitely means we are to not consider ourselves to be greater than others and we are to being servants of all, I also think that we are called to care for ourselves in a way that perhaps Christians today have lost their grasp of. Why did God create the Sabbath? He created man with limits and needs. We need rest. We need Him. We are BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT as I've grown up learning in my wonderful home church. All three areas are interconnected and must be cared for. We can only care for others if we first care for ourselves. Much like on airplanes when we are instructed to first put our own oxygen mask on before helping others, we must first minister to ourselves. If we don't we will pass out from trying to help everyone around us. In the church today we strive to go, go, go. Serving and getting involved is without a doubt CRUCIAL, but can't become the first priority. I'll stop before I start talking in circles. I'm reminded of all of this because I've found myself longing for more of Him but trying to get everything else done first. I need Him first! I MUST HAVE MORE OF HIM. Without that, any of my other task will prove fruitless. I whole-heartedly believe this. I've seen myself burned out, and it is not a pretty thing. Depression is not a pretty thing. While thinking of this, I was reminded of the passage in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah is fighting depression. He has just seen God work through him mightily, but he then falters quickly under the threat of a vicious queen. Exhausted, he runs to the desert and just asks God to let him die because he sees himself as having failed despite all his efforts. What does Jehovah do? Man, He shows how multi-faceted He is!! He ministers to Elijah's BODY by giving him food and sleep. He ministers to his SOUL by leading him to the mount of God to meet with Him. There on the mountain, He exhorts him feeding his SPIRIT. I love the symbolism in the verse...

"11 And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. 13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak..."

One thing I find interesting about this verse is how it contrasts with Isaiah 43 which explicitly says that God walks with us through the fire and flood. 1 Kings 19 is not saying that God abandons us amidst our trials. I just love imagining the scene. The Spirit of the Lord passes by and the earth responds tumultuously towards it's Creator. It recognizes Him. Elijah, sees it all and recognizes the power of the Lord. He has seen the power before. I don't think He had forgotten what God had done on Mount Carmel a few chapters back. He was just exhausted and in need of personal ministering. Overwhelmed by the power of God and wrecked by the sweet, low whisper of his PROVIDER, HEALER, CREATOR, and I AM, Elijah wraps his face in his cloak and walks to the mouth of the cave. I've been there. So hungry for His presence that when I encounter it I just have to hide my face and weep. It's such a beautiful, cleansing, overwhelming feeling. That's where I am right now. I'm starting to get exhausted, but I refuse to continue without being wrecked by His Spirit. Lord, I want more and more of You...