The Whisper

Life is chaotic yet uneventful at the moment. Having been gone for the majority of the summer thus far, my to-do list is about a mile long. I feel like I'm constantly going. My room is yet to be completely clean since moving back from college (something I'm attempting to remedy before I go to sleep tonight), thank you letters need to be written to those who supported my trip to India, rooms need to be painted in my new house, furniture needs to be found, etc, etc... I don't mind it all that much except that all I really want to do is just soak up the presence. Martin Luther once said...

"I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer."

While I haven't quite gotten to the point of implementing that in my life, I'm beginning to understand it like never before. Christ has taken me on such a journey in the past seven months. I've grown more than I possibly grew in the 14 or so years of my walk with Him that preceded it. It's been the most incredible experience, but now I stand at a crossroads. In the past months I've made ME one of, if not my biggest priority outside of God. My main focus has been redirecting my life. I quit my job, made some big life changes, removed things temptations as far from me as I could, and just focused on how to grow the best way possible. The problem is that one can't live like this forever. Eventually, you have to learn to find a happy medium, a marriage between the old and new... Or at least I think so. I don't know; perhaps I'm only rambling. However, this is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. This implies that we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. While this definitely means we are to not consider ourselves to be greater than others and we are to being servants of all, I also think that we are called to care for ourselves in a way that perhaps Christians today have lost their grasp of. Why did God create the Sabbath? He created man with limits and needs. We need rest. We need Him. We are BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT as I've grown up learning in my wonderful home church. All three areas are interconnected and must be cared for. We can only care for others if we first care for ourselves. Much like on airplanes when we are instructed to first put our own oxygen mask on before helping others, we must first minister to ourselves. If we don't we will pass out from trying to help everyone around us. In the church today we strive to go, go, go. Serving and getting involved is without a doubt CRUCIAL, but can't become the first priority. I'll stop before I start talking in circles. I'm reminded of all of this because I've found myself longing for more of Him but trying to get everything else done first. I need Him first! I MUST HAVE MORE OF HIM. Without that, any of my other task will prove fruitless. I whole-heartedly believe this. I've seen myself burned out, and it is not a pretty thing. Depression is not a pretty thing. While thinking of this, I was reminded of the passage in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah is fighting depression. He has just seen God work through him mightily, but he then falters quickly under the threat of a vicious queen. Exhausted, he runs to the desert and just asks God to let him die because he sees himself as having failed despite all his efforts. What does Jehovah do? Man, He shows how multi-faceted He is!! He ministers to Elijah's BODY by giving him food and sleep. He ministers to his SOUL by leading him to the mount of God to meet with Him. There on the mountain, He exhorts him feeding his SPIRIT. I love the symbolism in the verse...

"11 And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. 13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak..."

One thing I find interesting about this verse is how it contrasts with Isaiah 43 which explicitly says that God walks with us through the fire and flood. 1 Kings 19 is not saying that God abandons us amidst our trials. I just love imagining the scene. The Spirit of the Lord passes by and the earth responds tumultuously towards it's Creator. It recognizes Him. Elijah, sees it all and recognizes the power of the Lord. He has seen the power before. I don't think He had forgotten what God had done on Mount Carmel a few chapters back. He was just exhausted and in need of personal ministering. Overwhelmed by the power of God and wrecked by the sweet, low whisper of his PROVIDER, HEALER, CREATOR, and I AM, Elijah wraps his face in his cloak and walks to the mouth of the cave. I've been there. So hungry for His presence that when I encounter it I just have to hide my face and weep. It's such a beautiful, cleansing, overwhelming feeling. That's where I am right now. I'm starting to get exhausted, but I refuse to continue without being wrecked by His Spirit. Lord, I want more and more of You...