So, my cousin Michael asked me to write a response to a blog post of his to explain what I meant by a comment I posted on his blog. His blog (http://findingmanhood.wordpress.com) comments on various aspects of what makes a man. One of his recent posts reads...
A real man is willing to see a chick flick with his wife and/or his daughter.
He realizes that just because he’s a real man, it doesn’t mean he can’t sit down with the woman he loves or the daughter who adores him and enjoy an activity that they like from time to time.
A real man doesn’t complain about watching the chick flick either. I’m not saying he has to be enthusiastic about it, but he does show a genuine appreciation to be spending time with the important women in his life.
Now, like all great axioms, this characteristic of a real man does come with a caveat of sorts. While a real man is willing to see a chick flick with his wife and/or daughter, it is OK for him to not be willing to see the same chick flick with a woman who is merely his girlfriend.
In fact, it is recommended that he NOT see a chick flick with a woman who is not either A) wearing a wedding ring that he purchased or B) the product of his relationship with the woman who is wearing a wedding ring that he purchased (see scenario A above).
A man who sees a chick flick with a woman who he has not yet made a lifetime commitment to is treading on thin ice. There are just some things in life that are best reserved for the sacred bonds of marriage.
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with chick flicks, once a man starts sitting down to watch them with a woman who he has not yet committed his life to, he is on a slippery slope. If he’s not careful, it won’t be long before he’s wearing a mud mask facial, getting a pedicure, while a petite woman in a white smock waxes his upper lip… all the while daydreaming about the next opportunity he’ll have to tune in for a Lifetime movie.
So… the next time your wife or daughter wants you to go a see chick flick, if you want to be a real man, just do it. Not only will you get to enjoy quality time with someone who is very important to you, but (selfishly) you’ll also be accruing points for the next time you want to take her to a football game, the bowling alley, or a remote stream for a little trout fishing.
Along those same lines, the next time a woman who you have yet to take the vows of holy matrimony with suggests that the two of you watch a chick flick together, you’ll be doing yourself and the relationship a favor if you kindly (remember, a real man is kind) but firmly decline. To preserve diplomacy in the relationship, you might even trying following with an offer to try an activity together that’s a little more gender neutral. Something like skeet shooting, or bowling, or trout fishing.
There are parts of this I agree with and others that I don't. Now granted, I know that the whole post is peppered with sarcasm, but here are my thoughts regardless. First, I must say that he didn't take it where I expected him to. I agree that it is good to do things that the other wants to do. Love puts others' desires before its own. Plus, as he mentioned, what goes around, comes around. But chick flicks are a category all of their own. A category, which I might add, I would never want to share with my dad no matter how much I adore him as I wouldn't feel comfortable watching it with him. Chick flicks are an interesting genre. I've heard them called pornography for women, and I have to say that I see the validity in the accusation. They give girls false ideas of what a relationship will look like emotionally, which, as we all know, is the where the female is prone to struggle. However, perhaps some girls can stay away from the mindset that love will actually play out like a chick flick, yet still, are chick flicks healthy to watch? As a single, 19 year old girl, I've recently cut back on the amount of chick flicks I watch. They just don't promote a healthy mindset for me. They cause me to live in the future instead of today. And I'm not even getting into the sexual aspects of chick flicks. That's a whole OTHER ballpark-- one that should probably be addressed but I don't know how I feel about doing it over a blog.
Now I come to the topic of boyfriends watching chick flicks with their girlfriends. This is where the blog took an unexpected turn. When Michael called it "a slippery slope," I agreed. Watching a chick flick while dating could be considered a bad idea. Like he said, perhaps not inherently bad, but definitely a slippery slope. What kind of mindset and environment does a chick flick create? It's no secret that some boys use chick flicks for this very purpose. Those who are more respectable, may not be intending on this, but it can definitely create an atmosphere of vulnerability. So boys, I suppose it depends what sludge puddle you're more afraid of sliding into. I highly doubt that watching a chick flick is going to result in your girlfriend expecting you to take a spa day with her so I wouldn't be worried about that. The bigger concern is whether you are going to lead in protecting your relationship. Are you going to encourage vulnerability or try to strengthen the purity of a relationship? Perhaps that is the slippery slope an unmarried, yet taken, guy should be more worried about...
As for those who are married, while watching a chick flick with your wife may be thoughtful, try doing little things to make her feel like she is living in a chick flick (in a non-cheesy preferable). I can guarantee it will mean more in the end, and grow your relationship more... Not to mention that then you can skip the movie all together!
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